More Random Thoughts....

So I have to admit that since starting this blog, I have become even more passionate about writing my thoughts down. Before I would love writing in my journal about the things in life that have happened but it's even more meaningful now. I don't know why that is, maybe because I know I actually have people reading my thoughts or that some people feel the same way I do but it doesn't matter. Journal writing is SO important and I am glad that I love it. So enjoy some more random thoughts brought to you by Kati and hopefully you get something out of it but if not, enjoy a good read then I guess :) And I'm warning you it's kind of long...so maybe just read one section and come back to another later or whatever suits you best :)




Facebook.....


Okay so as most of you know I left facebook the beginning of January and surprise surprise I'm back on again. I had many reasons for getting off facebook and I don't feel like I need to explain why, it's not important. What is important is that I learned that life doesn't evolve around facebook. I can survive without it and don't need it. I found however that facebook is very good for social networking which is why I eventually came back on. It wasn't that I "needed" facebook in my life but more that without it, I was clueless socially. I had missed invites to dinners and such because it was all on facebook and my Bishop even sent me emails specifically to me about activities since I wasn't on facebook to see the info. I felt really bad about that, when I got a text saying he was trying to inform me about something and didn't have my email. I felt bad that I made him do something extra when it would've just been so much easier having facebook. Since coming back on I haven't used it as much and I like it that way. These past few days though I realized I've been doing a lot of "status updates" and I don't want to do that anymore. The whole reason I created the blog was to write my thoughts down so that's where it's going to be...here. I honestly feel blogging is so much better and more personal in the fact that you can get to know someone so well through blog posts than on facebook statuses any day. 




Intimidation.....
So I was having a conversation with a friend the other day about relationships and life in general. Before I had talked about how people have told me in the past that I can be intimidating. Someone even told me once that I had to stop being friends with guys if I ever wanted to get asked out. Um okay? My first thought was Why can't you man up and get over the fact that I have guy friends? They shouldn't care that I have friends who are guys. I could see that if I was actually dating the person but it doesn't matter if they are just friends. I can kind of see the point in where a guy has a really good friend that's a girl or vice versa but that shouldn't be the issue. If someone is interested then... go for it. That's my take on that. Anyways... I was talking with a friend (who is seriously dating someone by the way) and had told me that in the past, he was kind of intimidated by me. He explained to me why and I don't feel like I need to go into detail but it was mainly because he didn't know me and didn't want to make a wrong impression. That makes sense to me. I posted about this on facebook and the comments I got were good :) Some said he was flirting which by the way he was not.... trust me. Others made valid points. I had stated that maybe I needed to change something about myself so people would be less intimidated by me. I don't think I realized what I was writing when I wrote it but some good friends pointed out that I don't need to change for anyone. If they can't man up and talk to me then they aren't worth it. 


Mind you, I've only ever had guys tell me this so I don't know if girls are as well but I feel like maybe I give off the wrong impression. Like maybe people think I believe I'm better than everyone else. I'm just the normal average person just like everyone else. I wish guys weren't so intimidated....maybe that would help understand them better. All in all though... I want everyone to know that I am just the average person but I have to admit that I have been intimidated by some in the past and maybe the present?..... I won't go into detail since I have no idea who reads this but there is one person in particular at the moment that I am kind of intimidated by. I guess because of observation along with conversation I find myself maybe a little on the boring side because I haven't done as much? I don't really know. Haha....maybe that's what guys think then too.....see writing all this down helps clear things up for me. The point of the story is that I shouldn't feel intimidated and no one should feel that about me as well. Something to work on this week I think :) 


Job Hunting.....
Ah.... here we go.... the big question... job yet? Answer is still a NO but I'm hopeful. I went through a period of being depressed about it and oh woe is me but you know what.... there is something GREAT out there for me and I believe that it will happen soon. The thing I've learned is that it's in the Lord's time....NOT mine. And that patience is necessary. That is something I have struggled with...patience... but it will come when it's time. I know people want to know where and I will tell you but I'm also a little weary of saying because I fear that if people find out I have one here.... they will be like... oh you haven't lived life girl. I've actually had many conversations about this topic. And you know what.... just because I didn't move away and go to school, doesn't mean I haven't lived life and it doesn't mean that I will never get out. I've gone out of my comfort zone many times and while I may still be here... oh well. I feel like there are opportunities everywhere and if I'm meant to stay here, then I will. Family is important to me but I also realize that someday I will be living somewhere else with a family of my own and husband. It could be here or it could be New York or Texas or even Alaska for crying out loud but it  will be my decision. I feel like people wonder why I never left home after high school. And to be honest....it's because I was meant to be here. I've lived a good life here and I want to travel and see the world. I don't feel like it's necessary to move to another state to prove that I can be on my own. I'm an independent person who loves her family and while I like to stay close to home for now, that could change in a few months, a year or even a few years from now. My point is, don't judge me on my situation or where I am in life. God works in a mysterious ways and if I'm meant to serve others in another state as an RN then GREAT....if it's here then GREAT. Alright... I'm off that topic now. 


Friends....
This will be my last topic for the night... tomorrow I have something really good I will post about but we'll end with this tonight. I have to say that I have some really good friends. Don't we all? I hope at least one or two! Friends are there for us when we need them and give good advice or are good listeners (or readers) when we need to vent. I absolutely do not believe in cliques. I think that sometimes in a clique we leave people out and maybe don't mean to but that is what ends up happening. People say I have a lot of friends and while I guess you could say that's true.... it also means that it's not. What do I mean by that exactly? Well.... everyone has their own group of friends. The ones you go to parties with and dance all night long or go bowling or whatever it may be. I sometimes feel like I'm that friend that is forgotten... kind of like the out of sight out of mind mentality. I don't feel that way very often....actually not very much at all but I have in the past and sometimes it can be very trying. I love being friends with everyone and loving everyone but at the same time I feel so alone. Sometimes people assume that I "know" what's happening but honestly I don't. I feel like I have to invite myself to things if I want to have any fun. Mind you I do not feel this way often so don't think that this is how I feel ALL the time. Really it's not. I just want to point some things out. Try to include everyone. Why do there have to be cliques anyways? Aren't we all suppose to come unto Christ and be like Him? He didn't turn anyone away and neither should we. Be a good listener and actually LISTEN. I think that us single adults want to talk about me me me all the time and while sometimes that's not necessarily a bad thing...it's not a good thing either. Take the time to listen because more often than not, the person you are with, may need your advice or help more than you need it. 


I'm going to end this post with this last statement. Be a friend you can trust! I cannot tell you how important that is. The worse feeling in the world is finding out that someone lied to you. I know, it's happened to me many times. More often than I would like it to which is why I think I have a hard time telling people how I really feel and trusting them. Integrity is something I look for in everyone and I believe that if I live with integrity, my friends will trust me with their problems, concerns, moments, etc.  and in return, I will get that same trust. I'm the kind of person you can trust, hopefully my friends know that. It's something I work hard on every day because I know that's the kind of friend I want as well. 




Alright....enough with the random thoughts.... I have been journal writing SO much these days it's crazy! But I LOVE it! And I love all you readers out there.  I want all of you to know that I love you all and I'm not writing all of this to make anyone feel bad. I just want you all to see it from my point of view and see if from another's perspective. None of this is meant to offend so please don't take it personally. I just have to write that in case some of you think....oh was that about our conversation or whatever.... no it's not. It's a mixture of all experiences I have had in the past, from like YEARS ago....to Now. So please just enjoy my perspective :) I hope you get something out of this! Love you all!